Summary

In today’s episode, we are talking about giving compromise and why it is important for our relationships. Compromise is striking a balance between getting what we want versus what our partner wants. It’s an art that can only be learned with trial and error. Check out the full episode to learn about compromise and how to implement it in your relationship.

Transcript

[00:00:01] Hello there and welcome to another episode of Q and A with myself. I’m Clément Yeung and I’m your host. You may see if you’re watching this on YouTube or Instagram, that there’s a bar behind me. I am in a new place. I’ve been moving a lot since I got to the south of Spain because of the poor internet connection that I’ve found at the places I’ve stayed at.

So now I’m at a new place and the internet much better. However, I still haven’t set up my desk and I’m holding the microphone in my hand right now. So if there’s any kind of background noise, I’m so sorry about that. Just because I’m holding it, I don’t have like Parkinson’s or anything, but the cable might be hanging off the table and things like that.

So for this particular Q&A, what I want to talk about is compromise. I already mentioned this on the last episode, as part of the three major things that you can do to build trust rapidly and effectively with anyone, but mostly with your partner, compromise is one of the most important and interesting ones, because it is [00:01:00] so difficult to do for so many people.

And I’ll go into that a little bit in a moment. But let me give you a little bit of a story. First. My mother and father have been together for over 30 years and they are completely opposites opposite people. So my father is from a place called Mauritius. If you don’t know where that is, it’s an island that’s just off the east coast of Africa. So it’s part of Africa and the living conditions. There can be really bad, like overall, the economy’s pretty good, but. Poverty there is real poverty. It’s not like the kind of poverty you’d find in the UK, which is where I grew up. So he had a pretty tough upbringing.

His father was an alcoholic. His father would beat him and his brothers and his mother. And eventually died from alcohol poisoning. I think that really impacted my father in such a negative way as he was [00:02:00] developing. He had to do many things to take care of, the family business and just be there for his mother and support her and work very hard to get to where he is now.

So my mother on the other hand grew up in the United Kingdom with two fantastic parents who are, unfortunately, both passed away now on very traditional Christian values. And so she had a very happy childhood and she didn’t need or want for anything in particular. And it really shows in the way that she talks to people and treats people and looks at life.

They’re very different. I’m not saying that my father doesn’t have. Any of those traits or my mother doesn’t have any of those traits, but when it comes to figuring things out together as a couple, they’ve been through thick and thin, literally. So what I want to talk to you about. Is how do you compromise with [00:03:00] someone?

How do you find a common ground, especially when you’re so different from each other and today, and I’m not going to bash the younger generations, like a lot of people do, but I see the difference between how I grew up when I was younger.

And we didn’t have smartphones and the internet and Instagram and all of these very visual and non-stop platforms that are feeding us what other people are doing. And, leading us to compare ourselves to our friends and the people that we look up to. So because of that, I had a very calm and mostly relaxed childhood and teenage years where I didn’t really worry about what other people were doing so much.

And I didn’t really feel like I needed, as much as people feel like they need today with all the marketing messaging and the advertising that goes on. So what I mean to say by this is people have a very difficult time these days figuring out [00:04:00] how not to be selfish in a relationship, compromises, the opposite of being selfish. Okay, maybe not the opposite of selfish, but it’s like in between selfish and giving, you’re really just balancing things out. And that’s very healthy. It’s really healthy if you’re giving, but you’re not getting that’s not healthy. You might think it’s great to give you a partner or to offer up all the time to your partner without actually receiving anything back from them. But that’s not good. That becomes a manipulative relationship and you can end up feeling very empty because of that.

Compromise really helps you to stay together. It helps you to maintain a healthy union because both people get what they want, not all the time, but they do get what they want.

It might not be easy to forego something that you like. Let’s say, for example, I’m going to go through some examples of compromise, right? Let’s talk about spending time together [00:05:00] versus spending time apart. Have you ever heard of people who are in relationships with their significant other complaining that they always want to be with them?

Even though they know when they’ve been told many times that being alone and having space is so important to that person. And yet they still demand to be together. That’s not compromise. That’s selfish. What about striking a balance in the sex life? What about understanding that there is the need for foreplay, which is usually a female problem to have.

Cause men can just go like that usually. But if the woman just always lets her man go straight at it and doesn’t warm her up in the way that she wants to be warmed up, then that’s not compromise, that’s selfish as well. There’s two [00:06:00] examples already. It’s all about balancing out your wants and needs and their wants and needs. How about another example? Love languages. This is a great example. So if you ever heard of love languages, I’ve covered it before on the show. Everybody has their love language or two. It depends, we have a bit of all of them.

It’s so it’s physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service. Okay. Those are the five love languages. Now we, most of us, if rare, healthy, Appreciate all of those. I appreciate active service. I love it. When someone goes out of their way to do something for me, I like gifts.

I love receiving things, especially when it wasn’t solicited. I’m not going to go through all of them. So basically, you have a major one. Now if your different to your partner, which you probably will be, or you could be, then maybe [00:07:00] they like to receive gifts and you like to have quality time.

And that’s actually not so difficult to figure out, but you just have to talk about it. And you have to recognize that it’s actually a real thing. You can’t just brush it off as something that’s unimportant. Like maybe you don’t believe in the love languages. Maybe don’t think this is important stuff. It is important stuff.

This is what it means to be in a relationship with someone who is almost in every way, different to you and unique. Okay. We’re human beings. So we’re all very similar in that sense, but on a very minute personal level, We are completely different. I’ve had different experiences growing up. We’ve had different ways of being shown, how to do things, how the world works from our parents had different influences on television.

Our [00:08:00] friends we’ve lived in different countries, perhaps if you’re dating someone or if you’re with someone who’s from another country. So there’s so many things that separate us. And we need to find a way to come together. So these kinds of things can bring us together no matter where we’re from. No matter what kind of upbringing we’ve had, learn, what your love languages.

And then share it with your partner if you haven’t already. So I hope that this has helped you to get an idea of why compromise is one of the most important things in a relationship. If you want to have a long-term healthy relationship with your significant other, now leave a comment in the Instagram post here or on the YouTube.

Or if you’re listening to this on Spotify, get in touch with us. If you want us to cover anything specifically, or if you have any comments or questions about this, thank you so much for tuning in. We really appreciate you. And I’m looking forward to doing the next, see you there.

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