In today’s episode, we look at what is required to quickly and effectively build or regain trust with your partner. Trust is incredibly difficult to regain once you have lost it. Check out our video if you are in a situation where your partner doesn’t trust you and you want to change that.
[00:00:00] Hi there. Welcome to another episode of unleashed love. My name is Clara young and I’m your host. And I am doing this Q and a from a completely new location. I’m actually in another country right now. I managed to escape. COVID locked down. So I’m in Spain right now. And I can actually show you what it looks like outside.
If you’re watching this on YouTube, or if you’re watching it on Instagram, you might be able to catch this, but I’m in a place called cut, like the Costa Del Sol, which is on the south. Coast of Spain and I am in a little town called Cortez Della Fronterra. It’s absolutely beautiful. Outside today. This is a valley.
You can see the clouds and the sun. That’s where I am an hour, but that was fun for you guys. Totally distracting from what we’re actually going to talk about. So today the question that I’m going to answer is what is the best way to build trust? So I would break this up into three [00:01:00] main categories.
Okay. Just for the sake of keeping it simple. There’s a lot of ways you can build trust, but I think, they might fall into these three main categories. So the first. Category is transparency. The second is compromise and the third is consistency. So let’s start with transparency. Transparency is being honest, genuine, not holding anything back, someone that’s truthful.
Is a very transparent person. You don’t have to always say things bluntly. You don’t have to always say them in a very direct way, but you have to always say the truth to your partner because that is. Not holding anything back from them. And the more you do it, even if it’s hard for you to say those things, or even if it’s hard for them to hear those things, what will happen is because we’re all social animals and we know how difficult it is to be transparent.
Sometimes to be honest, to be [00:02:00] truthful in certain situations where it might look, make us look bad. Maybe we fucked up and we’re being honest about it. That’s transparency. Okay. So I’m sorry, but. I know that I forgot to do this errand and I will make it up to you or I’m sorry. I got fired from my job.
I will look for a new one right now and I’m working on fixing what went wrong. I’m sorry that I. Had an affair. This, we’re talking about spectrums of kind of things that you might want to be transparent about, but I’m just saying, you have to be clear and you have to be true. You have to be honest with your partner to be able to build trust.
The second is compromise. Compromise is this is not a great analogy, but imagine you’ve got like a rope and your partner’s holding one end and you’re holding the other end and you’re doing like a tug of war you’re pulling on it. They’re pulling on it. You want things, you desire [00:03:00] things, you need things in their relationship and they have the same.
So compromise is basically letting them take a bit more of the rope, even though you want to pull it. And the way the compromise works is. Your relationship is all about your happiness together. It’s about your security together and your willingness to uphold that social contract. Because when you get into a relationship with someone, they are, there is an agreement there that you’re going to try to make things work because you recognize that it would be valuable for both of you.
It could be for the rest of your lives. Now compromise is important because we have short term needs, wants desires. When it got with my buddies I want to eat these kinds of meals. I want to take a vacation. I want to watch TV tonight. All of these kinds of things are wants and needs in the moment, but [00:04:00] they’re not long-term necessarily.
I’m talking about short. Term stuff and short term stuff can be compromised on because it’s not super important. It’s definitely not more important than the happiness and the well-being of your relationship. So if there’s some friction that’s being caused by these wants and needs. And you need to find out, is it possible for you to compromise on that with your partner?
Are they compromising with you? There has to be a balance sheets, conscious, be one person doing it all the time, and it shouldn’t be one person doing a lot of it. And one person doing a little bit, there has to be a balance because otherwise you’re not going to be happy. You’re going to notice that it’s going to be a problem.
So compromise is all about. Just letting your partner have what they want in a moment. And then also receiving from them too when you need it. Third one is consistency. Consistency is just doing the, you need to do what you should do. What you’ve said, you’re going to do. Over and over again, without [00:05:00] fail.
Yes. You might fail throughout the entire lifespan of the relationship. But the important thing is to get back on the train, back on the horse and to continue doing it because it shows your partner that you care and it shows you partner that you’re in it for the long run, because if you weren’t in it for the long run, you would not do that.
It’s very. Difficult to be consistent with certain things, because some things are hard to do, and you have to do them. If you’re in a relationship, you have to be honest all the time. If you’re not honest all the time, then they’re going to pick up on when they find out you haven’t been honest, then you have to start all over from the beginning again.
And I’m assuming a lot of you watching this video have actually experienced that, which is why you want to know how to build back trust. Unfortunately there’s no quick pill. There’s nothing you can do, like instantly to build the trust back, right? That’s the nature of trust. It’s very difficult to get and it’s even more difficult to [00:06:00] regain.
Trust is harder to get back than it is to have. In the beginning, we should trust people that we signed social contracts with that we agree to social contracts with like relationships. We must trust our partners at the very beginning, however, As soon as we lose that trust for them through something they’ve done, then it’s so difficult most of the time, unless you’re a specific kind of person, very agreeable, maybe a little bit desperate.
It’s usually very difficult to regain that trust once it’s been lost. So if you’re in that situation, the very best way to get it back is to do these three things. One be transparent, honest, genuine, and open with your partner to compromise. Given when you need to, when it’s not necessary for you to get what you want in that moment, given let your partner instead have what they want.
Keep them happy, [00:07:00] but make sure there’s a balance three. Be consistent, never stop. Trying to be the best partner. You can be never stopped showing up for the things that you’ve promised to do. The things that you should do, your responsibilities, be there for them and for the relationship day in and day out.
And you Stan the best chances of gaining back that lost trust. So I hope that this has really helped you. And if you have any comments, please leave them. If you want us to talk about something specific, let us know message us. If you need to. We’re always here to help take care. We’ll see you on the next one.
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